Welcome to a DIFFERENT kind of post today.

I want to share with you a brief story that took place at the end of one of my sessions recently that I believe will help you or maybe someone you know as well.

As I normally do with most of my clients, I suggested a therapeutic homework assignment. These assignments are meant to support their weekly progress in alignment with their therapeutic goals. I typically mention that they are just 'suggestions' and not 'Have To's.

Do you know what I mean? Have you ever been put in a box because you thought you had to do something without considering whether or not you wanted or needed to do it? I would say that that is most of us. How many times have our parents told us to do something whether or not we like it? Or a boss/mentor/[insert person we viewed as an authority figure]? Were our thoughts/feelings considered? If they were considered, did authority figure wait for us to be in agreement before using their power and position to make/force/coerce us do something? Did we get the chance to ask ourselves whether or not we wanted or needed to do that thing?

All these questions arose from me for my client when they became tearful after let them know that they did not 'Have to' complete the suggested homework and reinforced that my suggestions are just that, suggestions. So I asked them, "Do you mind sharing what just came for you that brought about these tears?"

They said (and it may not be exact, but you will get my point), "It's just so rare that I hear that I don't 'have to.' The tears kept coming until that became uncomfortable.

Digging deeper, they identified feeling embarrassed and ashamed of being alive as themselves. Have you ever felt that way? I believe there are many of us subconsciously feel this way and when it comes close or is brought up to our awareness (conscious minds) we do or say something to distract ourselves.

Here was my reply:

I wonder how much feeling embarrassed and ashamed of being “you” is from the perception you felt your parents/guardians (lifelines) had of “you” growing up that your subconscious has held on to and operates in now (as an adult).

Next, I suggested to ponder these questions and for deeper processing, to write out the answers, thoughts, feelings, and whatever else comes up:

1. What is the description you have/had in your mind of who you were/are in the eyes of your parents as a child? As an Adult?
2. What is incorrect about this discription?
3. Objectively and without judgment as much as possible, what is the Truth?

4. What about you was unseen as child? What would your parents had seen if they could see the Truth?

Lastly, my client mentioned that they live everyday with an underlying anticipation for something bad about to or going to happen.

I replied, it sounds like this pattern started from a distressing event that reoccurred (enough to become a pattern)? It's also innate that we anticipate the worst, but chronic anticipation sounds like chronic 'survival mode.'

1. How old might you have been when this survival mode began?

2. What is the “bad” that could happen? What is the “good” that could happen?

3. What do you notice (mind, body, soul) when ask yourself these questions?

***If you would like to share your insights and what has come up for you, I invite you to comment on one of our social media pages and label it someone on the post: IYT JOURNAL POST***

IYT = It's Your Therapy (because it is!!)

<3 Tess

Theresa Olson, LMHC